It's A Girl!!!

I originally wrote this blog to auto post on Thursday when we were supposed to take custody of Sweet Pea.  Needless to say I had to do some editing...

As you know we received our foster care license last week on Tuesday.  On my lunch break, on Wednesday, I received a call from YFC.  It was their person who handles the placements.  She was calling to just go over the general information that we would get in a placement call, kind of like a practice call.  She said "For instance, you'll probably say no to this one but here's the kind of information we'll give you.  We have a 3 month old little girl, currently in foster care and needing a new home for the next 6-9 months.  She'll either be reunited with her parents or adopted by a family member.  In the mean time she needs a home."  She proceeded to tell us more about the baby's background and said "What do you think?"  Now Cliff and I had already pretty much decided that we were going in to this as a ministry, not just to get a baby to adopt, and would not say "no" to anything God brought before us.  If He doesn't want a certain child with us, He's going to have to say no because I know I wouldn't be able to.  There was a catch with this little girl though.  The state didn't want her in daycare because of her tendency to get sick easily.  Any child that comes to us will have to go to daycare :(  The lady from YFC was shocked I said yes since she knew we were looking to adopt and we would not be able to adopt this child.  She said she would have to contact the state worker to see if they were willing to forgo the daycare thing.  She stated she would call me back.  Thursday came....and went.  Friday came...and went. I figured "good...it wasn't my idea of my dream situation and this is God's way of saying 'No'".  Then Monday came.  The lady from YFC called again.  They had been unable to find another home for this baby and she wanted to know if we were still willing to take her, knowing it would not be a long term situation.  I called Cliff just to make sure we were still on the same page before I called her back.  He agreed and I called to tell her that yes we were still willing and able to take care of her.  She was going to call back the state social worker and tell her that Baby Girl had a new home.  She had said that the social worker was planning on transferring custody on Thursday.  I waited for the call on Tuesday to finalize details about when we would pick her up on Thursday.  I got a voicemail from YFC saying "Change of plans, can you pick her up tomorrow (Wednesday) at 11:30am.  I called them back to say I would be able to pick her up then and the worker said "Change of plans again...Can you pick her up today?"  So yesterday we became parents.  I have waited my whole life for this moment in time.  I never dreamed this day would actually come.  I can't believe this is really happening.  I have to keep reminding myself to breathe.    I think about the things we have planned for this weekend and realize now we'll have a baby in tow!  IT IS BLOWING MY MIND!!!
Now I know this is temporary.  We only get to have her for 6-9 months until courts decide her fate, but for now...for this moment in time, she's mine.  I'm already sad that it seems we'll have to give her to her forever home around the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays.  For my sake, I really hope this happens either well in advance of the holiday season or that we get to keep her through the holidays.
She's a great baby!  She only fusses when she's hungry.  She slept from 11:00pm last night until about 7:45am this morning. Wish the same could be said for me ;)  She has some minor health issues.  She's just getting over RSV and has to have nebulizer treatments.  I wonder how much albuterol she inhaled versus how much I inhaled while giving her the treatment.  Her previous foster mom said she has a seizure disorder so she's on phenobarbital for that.  She does not like that medicine and is an expert at not swallowing it.  I'm concerned that she may not be getting enough of it in her system because she's a pro at just holding her mouth open and letting it just ooze out. I even tried to give it to her while she was sleeping.  I thought her natural sucking reflex would take over and I'd get it down her.  Nope!  She is wise to my ways.  I have to contact her Neuro doc and her pediatrician today to see what kind of follow up she needs.

On the way home last night I stopped at Target to buy diapers and the cashier says "What a beautiful baby! How old is she?'  I replied "3 1/2 months"  She said "Is she sleeping through the night for you yet?"  I said "I don't know.  I've only been her mom for about and hour and a half!"  That kind of got a funny look until I explained I am her foster mom.

Out of respect for her birth parents and for her protection, we've decided not to post any identifying pictures of her on Facebook or on this blog.  If you want to see her, you'll have to come visit ;)  Exceptions will be made for family out of state.  If you want to see her, message me your cell number or email and I'll text or email pics.  We do plan on having an Open House so people can come visit and meet our lil Sweet Pea.

I ask you to please pray for the following:

1)  That Baby Girl will transition easily to our home, that she will thrive and grow strong in our care.  Please pray for her health, that she'll recover quickly from the RSV and even maybe be healed of the seizure disorder

2)  That I am able to find a daycare that has an opening for an infant.  (the one I picked and all of my back ups don't have any openings to take an infant!)

3)  That God will comfort me in the grief when she leaves us

Thank you for all of your love and support in this, the most amazing journey of my life

It may be a while before I blog again.  I plan on being busy being a mommy :)

It's Official!!

Yesterday NKOTB released their newest album "10" which of course thrilled me to no end!  I arrived home from work at my usual time last night but sat in the driveway for a few minutes, loading the album to the hardrive of my car.  Just as I was almost finished, my cell phone rang.  DANGIT!  Because my cell phone also rings thru my car with the bluetooth, it totally messed up what I was doing.  "Grrr *grumble*  Hello?"  paraphrased>>"Hi, This is Youth for Christ.  Just calling to let you know that you've been licensed!"  Me: <instant cheesball grin> Yaaaaaayyyyyyy!  Went and checked my mail and this is what came...

I think I just went from "braxton hicks" to straight labor! or maybe this is the pushing part....

Anxiously <understatment of the year> awaiting *THE* call that brings the child that I've been longing for, home.  CAN'T WAIT!!!

Gentle Reminder?

Note to Self and all of my loving, supportive friends and family...but mostly to myself. 

The first baby that comes to our home may not be the one we get to KEEP in our home.  I need to keep telling myself this.

 One of my friends who was also waiting with bated breath for THE CALL received her call on Friday.  I was so excited for her and her husband.  Theeeeeeen the baby went back to the family on Monday.  I know it must've been so difficult to finally receive the call and pick up a days old infant to bring to your waiting home, nursery, heart, only to have them returned to family days later.  If she's anything like me, it was love at first sight.  You go into this knowing that this may be the case for any call you receive.  That's what foster care is...you're providing a home for a child until they can return to their home.  The ultimate goal for the state is reunification.  This is what I worry about...how will I respond/react?   but I still feel like this is what God is calling us to do right now.  I know that if it happens that a child placed in our home eventually returns to their parents or another family member, this is God's will for them at this time.  They will always hold a special place in my heart...my poor, crying, broken heart. 

Daydreaming

I totally could've written this poem...

 

Daydreaming

 

I stepped into her room today
Knowing she's not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear

But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.

A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She’s meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I’ve dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be "The Call."

Legacy Of An Adopted Child

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

Once there were two women

Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,

The other you call mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life

And the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you a seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up --

It was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age-old question

Through the years:

Heredity or environment

Which are you the product of?

Neither, my darling -- neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

                                                     ~Author Unknown

Braxton Hicks

This past week last led me to the conclusion that home studies are the "braxton hicks contractions" of adopting/fostering.

I've never been pregnant but my understanding of Braxton Hicks is they are the uterine contractions that are 1) uncomfortable 2) prep the body for the arrival of a baby 3) signal that the arrival of the child is imminent.  Home studies?? Same thing.

The home study consists of some pretty uncomfortable questions, talking about my childhood, what my family was like, etc.  Now this may come as a shock to some who know me, but my childhood wasn't all unicorns and rainbows.  It was hard.  I struggled a lot with self esteem issues, depression, the effects of abuse within the family....Memories and feelings I haven't had to deal with for many years. Unpleasant to say the least.  I had difficulty sleeping, worried about how my past may look to an outsider now.  One of these days I'll care less about what people think about me. 

Home studies prep you for the arrival of a baby.  Most people would clean their house like it's never been cleaned before.  I'll be honest...I did NOT do that.  I figured the social worker is going to need to see my house in it's natural state of chaos.  I purposefully did not dust the furniture.  The house was cleaned and organized but it did not get the toothbrush scrubbing/fine tooth comb treatment.  Lord knows I do not clean like that on a regular basis.  The cob webs were gone.  Floors were vacuumed.  As much as I stressed over the cleanliness of my house (I'm not the best housekeeper), they need to see what my house looks like on the average day.  The home inspection went very smoothly.  The only thing we'll eventually have to adjust is our fire extinguisher.  Even though the certification number on it matches the state requirements, it's only a 4 1/2lb fire extinguisher not a 5lb.  She again complimented us on our preparedness.  We had everything on the check list.  I'm thinking "isn't that the point of a checklist!?"  I guess some people don't look at it that way.

I think my greatest source of stress/anxiety is comparison number 3.  Home studies signal that the arrival of a child in imminent...like every day from this day on I'll freak out whenever my phone rings, wondering if it's THE call.  I really think that is what I was/am so freaked out about.  I've waited so long to have a child and the countdown is ON!!  I think, like with any expectant mother you reach that point where you think "I got this.  I am TOTALLY prepared"...then contractions start and you think "WAIT!! I'm not ready!!"    The paperwork now gets submitted to the state for them to  process and sign off.  The agency gets notified that we've been licensed and then they will call to place a child in our home.   We've specified age 0-3 years.  They will take in to account that 1) we are wanting to adopt 2) we've requested a younger child but they may place a child that is outside of our specifications if they feel that he/she would be a good fit in our home.  We have the option of saying no but hey, have you met me??!!  The chances of that happening are slim to none.

So after yeeeeeeaaaaars of waiting, my labor had finally started.  My time is coming...SOON!!

Best...Week...Ever...So Far

I started typing this blog about 20 times and I really didn't/don't know where to start...

I have had an amazing week.  Last Friday we had some very dear friends over for dinner.   It had been a while since we'd seen each other and it was great to catch up. On Saturday I got to spend a little time with my niece Q.  Granted we spent most of our time together napping, what's better than napping away a Saturday with one of your favorite people!?  On Sunday we went to church and then after, my friend Beth and I went to see The Tenors perform at Benaroya Hall.  If you've never been there it is a gorgeous hall and if you've never heard or seen the Tenors, they too are gorgeous and sing so very beautifully.  We had incredible seats...so close that one of the guys (Clifton Murray) smiled and waved at us to which we responded like 13 year old girls *giggling* "OMG he WAVED at US!!!!!!" *giggling*...ok maybe that was just me but whatever.  After the Concert we went out to eat and stuffed ourselves, so much so that we just HAD to sit there for a couple of hours chatting while our food settled. We had a great girls day out and I can NOT wait for the next time. 
So I've been riding the "Tenors Concert High" all week.  I cannot get enough of their music.  I've listened to their new CD on repeat all week with the old one thrown in there occasionally.  I cannot wait to hear what they record next and it kinda bums me out that I have to wait for them to finish this tour before they'll probably even think of the next CD.
I swear this CD is like the soundtrack for our "Baby Journey".  If you read the track list it starts off with "you and I" and ends with a lullaby, with "Lead With Your Heart" (title track), "Anchor Me", "Amazing Grace" and "Forever Young" in the middle.  You bet I cried more than once during the concert when they sang these songs.

Last night, I was out running some errands.  I saw this great idea about making hanging candle holders out of mason jars.  I thought it would look great in my Americana living room.  After buying the stuff to make these I'm not sure it is a very cost effective endeavor but doggone it, it'll be cute.  Anyhoo, while I'm out I miss a call.  Check my phone a bit later and realize I have a voicemail from our foster agency wanting to schedule our homestudy.  My heart instantly starts beating out of my chest and I start having a little trouble breathing.  Soooo this must be what a panic attack feels like!  Instead of running in to my house and freaking out, cleaning like a mad woman (like I should have done) I think I kind of shut down.  I cooked myself some dinner, sat down, watched a little tv and calmed myself.  I came to the realization that my house will never look the way I want it to for our homestudy...unless I rebuild or move.  There are things to worry about and things to let go of.  I'm letting go of the "my house must not have any dust/dirt/dog hair anywhere".  I realize that if/when someone from the agency stops by unexpectedly they're GOING to see the usual state of my home.  THIS is what my house looks like on your average day.  There may be dust on the furniture and will most likely...aw who am I kidding...there WILL definitely be dog hair on the floor.

I called the lady back today to schedule and she says "I think we will get along juuuuuust fine.  When I got your voicemail last night I heard your NKOTB ringback tone!" We laughed and our first of three visits is scheduled for Monday.  She specifically said "Don't worry about the state of your home.  The inspection will come later.  This is just a 'getting to know you' type of visit".   Wheeeeeewww!  But you KNOW I will still be doing some major cleaning this weekend!! 
I'f you could please pray that I will stay calm and not freak out, that would be awesome.

Thanks!