Basically, we're waiting...Waiting for our background checks to come thru and for that call to schedule our homestudy, which could come any minute now. After that, we're waiting for the call for a baby. I've been busy researching daycares. I think this step bothers me the most. I've waited so long for a baby and I'm now working fulltime due to some "restructuring" at my job. I'm really hoping that there will come a day when I can stay at home and just take care of babies all day. Anyhow, it is what it is and God continues to provide for us financially. I really can't wait for that call that says there is a baby waiting for us to come get him/her. I'm excited about being a foster parent and maybe making a difference in a little kiddo's life. I'm really hoping that after the homestudy, while we are caring for a child who needs a good home for a little bit, we will be able to find a child who is needing a forever home. Until that happens though we'll give a great home to someone who needs it. So like I said...we're waiting...rather impatiently at this point.
I am so excited about what this year holds in store for us. I've been diligently getting things organized in preparation for our homestudy. Ok, so maybe not "diligently" but I AM working on getting more organized and purging stuff I don't need out of my house. I am so nervous about the homestudy process. What if we've come this far and there's something wrong with "us" that prevents us from being accepted as foster parents!? I know this is my own insecurity and it's highly probable that my home is MUCH safer for these kids than the homes they're coming from. After all, that's why they're not in those homes anymore right?
Anyhow, I've finished the kiddo's room...it's just missing one crucial element....
Personally, I think it's awfully darn cute :)
Sometimes I walk past the room and just stop and stare. I can't believe that after all these years, there's finally a crib in that room. I sit in the recliner that once belonged to my husband's father and picture myself rocking a baby, singing lullabies. I can't believe this is really happening.
We've been blessed over and over again by donations of toys and clothes in our preparations. I can't thank the gifters enough for being so very supportive and generous to us. Baby even got Christmas gifts this year! (well last year...you know what I meant)
This past holiday season was much easier than years before it. I could rejoice in knowing that this was likely the last Thanksgiving where we would not be parents...the last Christmas not buying that special toy for OUR child. I realize that is not what those holidays are about but when you live with infertility, it leeches into every aspect of your life, overshadowing those special, sacred times.
I'll be honest...Im SOOOOO tired of waiting. I know God has a perfect plan. I argue with Him that I've waited so long for this and could He just speed it up a bit. I think back to people who survived September 11, 2001 because it was their turn to pick up donuts for the office or had a sick child that they stayed home with. These "kinks" in their day were all part of a greater plan for them to go on. I think of the days when something doesn't go the way I think it should and later find out that something happened or didn't happen, that was to my benefit. I try to think that when I get stuck in traffic or something, maybe God is saving me from a horrible accident ahead. I'm trying to remember that infertility is just a "kink" in my path to motherhood. Had we been able to conceive a child, we likely would never have considered foster care and maybe a child who needs a safe, loving home, would've missed out on something that only we can provide him/her. So we wait...for God's perfect timing, to bring that specific child to our home at the perfect time.
