Monday, February 18, 2013

Braxton Hicks

This past week last led me to the conclusion that home studies are the "braxton hicks contractions" of adopting/fostering.

I've never been pregnant but my understanding of Braxton Hicks is they are the uterine contractions that are 1) uncomfortable 2) prep the body for the arrival of a baby 3) signal that the arrival of the child is imminent.  Home studies?? Same thing.

The home study consists of some pretty uncomfortable questions, talking about my childhood, what my family was like, etc.  Now this may come as a shock to some who know me, but my childhood wasn't all unicorns and rainbows.  It was hard.  I struggled a lot with self esteem issues, depression, the effects of abuse within the family....Memories and feelings I haven't had to deal with for many years. Unpleasant to say the least.  I had difficulty sleeping, worried about how my past may look to an outsider now.  One of these days I'll care less about what people think about me. 

Home studies prep you for the arrival of a baby.  Most people would clean their house like it's never been cleaned before.  I'll be honest...I did NOT do that.  I figured the social worker is going to need to see my house in it's natural state of chaos.  I purposefully did not dust the furniture.  The house was cleaned and organized but it did not get the toothbrush scrubbing/fine tooth comb treatment.  Lord knows I do not clean like that on a regular basis.  The cob webs were gone.  Floors were vacuumed.  As much as I stressed over the cleanliness of my house (I'm not the best housekeeper), they need to see what my house looks like on the average day.  The home inspection went very smoothly.  The only thing we'll eventually have to adjust is our fire extinguisher.  Even though the certification number on it matches the state requirements, it's only a 4 1/2lb fire extinguisher not a 5lb.  She again complimented us on our preparedness.  We had everything on the check list.  I'm thinking "isn't that the point of a checklist!?"  I guess some people don't look at it that way.

I think my greatest source of stress/anxiety is comparison number 3.  Home studies signal that the arrival of a child in imminent...like every day from this day on I'll freak out whenever my phone rings, wondering if it's THE call.  I really think that is what I was/am so freaked out about.  I've waited so long to have a child and the countdown is ON!!  I think, like with any expectant mother you reach that point where you think "I got this.  I am TOTALLY prepared"...then contractions start and you think "WAIT!! I'm not ready!!"    The paperwork now gets submitted to the state for them to  process and sign off.  The agency gets notified that we've been licensed and then they will call to place a child in our home.   We've specified age 0-3 years.  They will take in to account that 1) we are wanting to adopt 2) we've requested a younger child but they may place a child that is outside of our specifications if they feel that he/she would be a good fit in our home.  We have the option of saying no but hey, have you met me??!!  The chances of that happening are slim to none.

So after yeeeeeeaaaaars of waiting, my labor had finally started.  My time is coming...SOON!!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Best...Week...Ever...So Far

I started typing this blog about 20 times and I really didn't/don't know where to start...

I have had an amazing week.  Last Friday we had some very dear friends over for dinner.   It had been a while since we'd seen each other and it was great to catch up. On Saturday I got to spend a little time with my niece Q.  Granted we spent most of our time together napping, what's better than napping away a Saturday with one of your favorite people!?  On Sunday we went to church and then after, my friend Beth and I went to see The Tenors perform at Benaroya Hall.  If you've never been there it is a gorgeous hall and if you've never heard or seen the Tenors, they too are gorgeous and sing so very beautifully.  We had incredible seats...so close that one of the guys (Clifton Murray) smiled and waved at us to which we responded like 13 year old girls *giggling* "OMG he WAVED at US!!!!!!" *giggling*...ok maybe that was just me but whatever.  After the Concert we went out to eat and stuffed ourselves, so much so that we just HAD to sit there for a couple of hours chatting while our food settled. We had a great girls day out and I can NOT wait for the next time. 
So I've been riding the "Tenors Concert High" all week.  I cannot get enough of their music.  I've listened to their new CD on repeat all week with the old one thrown in there occasionally.  I cannot wait to hear what they record next and it kinda bums me out that I have to wait for them to finish this tour before they'll probably even think of the next CD.
I swear this CD is like the soundtrack for our "Baby Journey".  If you read the track list it starts off with "you and I" and ends with a lullaby, with "Lead With Your Heart" (title track), "Anchor Me", "Amazing Grace" and "Forever Young" in the middle.  You bet I cried more than once during the concert when they sang these songs.

Last night, I was out running some errands.  I saw this great idea about making hanging candle holders out of mason jars.  I thought it would look great in my Americana living room.  After buying the stuff to make these I'm not sure it is a very cost effective endeavor but doggone it, it'll be cute.  Anyhoo, while I'm out I miss a call.  Check my phone a bit later and realize I have a voicemail from our foster agency wanting to schedule our homestudy.  My heart instantly starts beating out of my chest and I start having a little trouble breathing.  Soooo this must be what a panic attack feels like!  Instead of running in to my house and freaking out, cleaning like a mad woman (like I should have done) I think I kind of shut down.  I cooked myself some dinner, sat down, watched a little tv and calmed myself.  I came to the realization that my house will never look the way I want it to for our homestudy...unless I rebuild or move.  There are things to worry about and things to let go of.  I'm letting go of the "my house must not have any dust/dirt/dog hair anywhere".  I realize that if/when someone from the agency stops by unexpectedly they're GOING to see the usual state of my home.  THIS is what my house looks like on your average day.  There may be dust on the furniture and will most likely...aw who am I kidding...there WILL definitely be dog hair on the floor.

I called the lady back today to schedule and she says "I think we will get along juuuuuust fine.  When I got your voicemail last night I heard your NKOTB ringback tone!" We laughed and our first of three visits is scheduled for Monday.  She specifically said "Don't worry about the state of your home.  The inspection will come later.  This is just a 'getting to know you' type of visit".   Wheeeeeewww!  But you KNOW I will still be doing some major cleaning this weekend!! 
I'f you could please pray that I will stay calm and not freak out, that would be awesome.

Thanks!