Things I've Learned As A (Foster) Parent

Since becoming a (foster) parent on April 9, 2013 I have learned a few things.   Thought I'd share in case you need to know or be reminded. 
Listed in no particular order-

• It is unlikely that what you had envisioned your life as a parent to be will be reality.
• Your house will not be as clean as you thought and it will seem there are less than 24 hours in a day.
• Laundry, dishes and other chores will always be there. Your child may not be. Spend time with them.
• Shaving,  conditioning, and sometimes even shampooing are not necessities and will likely not happen.
• Never pass up the opportunity to tell your child that they are loved, beautiful, important, unique, special etc.
• you will never again go to the bathroom. From now on, you're "going potty" and you will never do it alone again
• There is nothing that smells as amazing as a baby fresh out of the bath
• a baby leaning in for a headbutt looks exactly the same as a baby leaning in to give eskimo kisses-it is impossible to differentiate between the two
• it doesn't matter how sick you are, you will never feel as bad as when the baby catches your cold
• it's amazing how things that seem insignificant can mean so much...that tiny toothbrush in the holder next to yours or that third jack o'lantern on the porch means your life will never be the same
• the floor never creaks as much as it does after you finally get the baby to sleep
• it is impossible to love a child "just a little bit"
• evidently nipples make great handles and testicles apparently are prime targets for babies and clearly babies have their own point system
• quitting my job to be a stay at home mom was the best decision we've ever made
• it is vital to live in the moment. Though our language has changed from "if she goes back" to "when she goes back", that time hasn't come yet and I can't mourn when there's still so much living to do.

Though I'm sure that I have learned many more things they don't come to mind right now. Since I learn new things nearly every day from this little girl,  this blog will likely have a "part 2". 
Off to live in the moment! 
God bless!

Picture This

It's 10:30pm. I'm sick, sitting holding my also sick, almost 10 month old baby girl. I am tired and feverish.  Her fever has broken and she has clearly gained her second wind.  I'm rocking her trying to get her to go to sleep, to no avail.  She looks at me, starts wiggling and making her silly faces. I start to get frustrated and she calms for a moment.  She gives a little giggle, a smile and gently touching my cheek, looks me in the face and says in the sweetest voice I have ever heard, "mom-mom"....and I start to cry. Not just the gentle, sweet single tear but full on boohoo sobbing.  I waited so very long for someone to call me that. Was she trying to manipulate me so I wouldnt put her down? Eh, maybe.  I don't care!  As frustrating as bedtime has recently become, I would not trade it for anything.
I know that all too soon, unless God intervenes, she will return to her birth family.   At this point, everything is on track for that to happen.  Her family visits have recently increased to 2 4-hour visits per week.  The first day she was gone that long I sat and cried for most of that time.  The house was so extremely quiet without her here.  I don't want to know what that is like on a long term basis.
I know that once she leaves there will be another child who needs us.  Sadly there is a foster care crisis and there are nowhere near enough homes for the children in the system.  I wondered if it would be different if we only took short term placements.  Can I love them enough and show them God's love without falling in love with them?? The less time they're with us is good right? We wont have time to fall in love with them.  I talked to Cliff and asked what he thought.  He said thay we are all or nothing people. We wont be able to help but fall in love with a child put into our care, the instant they are placed in our arms. If becoming a foster parent has taught me anything it's that you can not effectively parent a child without loving them completely.  There's a few other things this experience has taught me but that is a blog for another day.
I love this little girl completely. I would love to be able to parent her until my dying day. I don't know if that will happen. What I do know is that we are living each day in the moment. I dont know exactly how long she'll be with us.  I'm hesitant to plan a birthday party for her because I dont know if we'll be able to celebrate with her. I dont know if we'll be able to be involved with her after she goes back to her birth family. She may never know she was in foster care and most likely will not remember us.
I really do not want to spend the rest of our time together crying and lamenting (although that may happen).  So today, we'll celebrate and love like it's our last day together...and if we're blessed, we'll wake up and do it again tomorrow.

Just Putting It Out There

When we went in to foster care it was our intention that we would open our home to a child who needed a loving, stable home until we could adopt them permanently.  The thing with the foster care system is it is usually the plan for the child to return to their birthparents/family. This re-unification process can take a long time.  You could also find yourself in a situation like ours where we knew from the get-go that we would not be able to adopt Sweet Pea.  In my mind, we would get the call for that one abandoned child that would be eligible for adoption, free and clear.  Now, having done this for a bit, I know that is very unlikely to happen...not improbable, but we could be waiting a while. 

I say all of that to say this...pursuing a private adoption can be done while we are providing foster care for a child.  All of the classes and homestudies we had done to become licensed foster parents can be used for adoption.  Just because we have Sweet Pea doesn't mean that we can't also be searching for a birthmom.  Should the chance to adopt Sweet Pea come our way we'd love to have a sibling for her!

Now I say THAT to say THIS...I'm just gonna put this out there.  If you know of someone who is looking for a good, loving, Christian home for a child that they know they won't be able to parent, please let us know.  There's always the chance that a friend of a friend of a friend may be considering putting their child up for adoption.  We would love to provide the forever home that child needs.  While we feel that God has brought us to this place of providing foster care as a ministry, we don't want our desire to adopt a child to fall by the wayside.  I don't want our friends and family to think "Oh they have a kid they're taking care of, they wouldn't want this one".  Please keep us in mind if you hear of anything.  We will not be offended by any suggestions or offers.  We've always been very open and honest about our circumstances and I don't want anyone thinking they can't bring up the subject.  By all means,  BRING IT UP!!  I'm open to just about anything and would love to tell our child that you were an intricate part to them becoming a part of our family forever. :)