If At First You Don't Succeed...

Try, Try again...and again and again....then try some more. 
This will be cycle #4 and IUI #3 (this go 'round) providing that my body responds to the Clomid.  Tomorrow I start my 5 day regimen of 250mg of Clomid. Next Friday, I will be having an ultrasound to check for follicles.  Dr Su is willing to do 3 IUI's before he refers you to a specialist.  So I'm trying again.  I'm not giving up.  If I'm anything it's stubborn.  It runs in the family.

I'm still in awe of what an awesome medical team I have.  Both doctors I work with are just amazing to me.  I swear it seems that Dr Su gets just as disappointed as I do when the IUI's don't work.  I'm so fortunate to have such incredible, caring, compassionate, persistent doctors helping me.
I did cancel my endocrine appointment in Seattle.  The only reason I wanted to see that doc was to get a referral to the PCOS guy here in Tacoma.  Turns out that Dr Su can do the same referral so I figured why waste the gas and time to drive to Seattle.

I feel kind of bad...Today one of my coworkers was afraid to tell me she is pregnant. I hate that.  I don't want people to feel like they cant tell me about their pregnancies.  I do appreciate that she was sensitive to what I've been dealing with but I hate that people worry about telling me.  Please know that I am truly happy for you if you are expecting.  If you tell me you're pregnant, I promise you I will smile and congratulate you and most importantly I'll mean it!  How I feel about my situation and my response to yours can literally be a flip of a coin at any given moment of any day.  Today...right now... I'm doing ok...no tears, no self pity.  I really am happy for her.  Timing really is everything.  Tomorrow could be different.  I could have a totally different reaction but that's for me to deal with. It's what I have to do.  The world doesn't stop because someone other than me gets pregnant.  Oh sure, I could totally have a meltdown but then I pick myself up, dust myself off and carry on.  Again, it's what I have to do :)

Changing the subject, I'm getting a little nervous. I'm making a wedding cake next weekend.  The bride is someone I used to babysit.  I made her first birthday cake.  How's that for surreal?  I always get nervous making cakes but for some reason I am SUPER nervous about this one.  My head tells me it will be fine...now if someone could just tell my stomach to quit flip-flopping that would be swell.

So far this holiday season I've maintained my weight so that's a blessing.  I haven't lost any more but I didn't gain any over Thanksgiving.  I'd like to lose another 10lbs before seeing the PCOS guy (since he's the one who told me to have gastric bypass, lose 100lbs then come back to see him)  I'm quite proud that I've lost 40lbs so far without having the surgery.  I just knew it wouldn't matter if I had the surgery if I wasn't going to change the way I eat.  I'd probably lose more if I would exercise.  ;)  I just hate to sweat...it's gross.  I guess I'll have to bust out the elliptical again if I want to knock out that 10lbs.  Who knows maybe I'll even knock out 20lbs!
*fingers crossed!