Our Infertility Adoption Story- There's No Such Thing As An Unwanted Child or Pregnancy

Friday, June 15, 2012

Decisions In The Making

Today Hubby and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary.  We took a couple days off to spend time together.  This allowed us to have discussions that might not have happened otherwise.  The biggest topic of discussion the last two days has been "where do we go from here?"  More infertility treatments?  Adoption?  What??  We talked about how much it scares us to spend an outrageous amount of money on fertility treatments that may or may not work.  Up to this point, out of all the things we've tried I've never had a confirmed pregnancy related to the treatments.  I believe I've had two miscarriages in the past but if they were, I had gotten pregnant without fertility meds and the pregnancies were never confirmed.  It's just a hunch on my part.  What if we spend thousands of dollars and I still don't get pregnant??  Then we're out all that money for nothing.  So we've decided to put our eggs in a different basket so to speak.  No I don't mean a surrogate.  We've decided to pursue adoption. 
I don't want it to seem like "oh well I can't get pregnant guess we'll see if someone wants to  give us their kid" or like it's a last resort.  I am however struggling with giving up my dream of experiencing pregnancy.  I've always dreamed of the maternity clothes, the kicks to the lungs and bladder, the baby's hiccups,  having that first ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat for the first time.  I've dreamed of the whole birth experience.  I remember waking one morning with horrible pain in my abdomen like I'd done a million sit ups or something.  I had dreamed that I had given birth.  My abdomen hurt from "pushing" in my sleep.  Imagine my disappointment when I awoke childless...again.  That dream seemed so very real.
I'm already overwhelmed by the information I've read about adoption thus far.  SO much to think about but now I have another dream.  My dream is that we find a birthmom who allows us to be there for the birth, have an open adoption with reasonable limitations, I get to bring a newborn home from the hospital, without forking over a bazillion dollars to an agency when we've done most of the work.  Is THIS dream possible??  If I have to give up one dream can I at least have this one come true?
Cliff and I've discussed so many things... We've determined that race/ethnicity is not an issue for us.  I don't care if the baby is black, white, purple with pink polka dots...doesn't matter.  We don't care about the gender of the baby.  We'd just be happy with a healthy baby.  I do know that I prefer a newborn but am willing to consider a child up to the age of two. We are ok with some contact with the birthmom after the birth/adoption.  Our child will always know that they grew in my heart not in my tummy. 
I have learned that in Washington, it is not legal to "advertise" that you are looking for a birthmom prior to having a home study, but I can mention it to my friends and family that this is the decision we've made.  What you choose to do with that information is up to you ;)
So I guess our next step is getting the homestudy.  I have no idea how to even begin this whole process so any prayers for discernment, guidance, and strength are welcome.  I appreciate everyone's support and prayers.  Stay tuned,  I may be asking you for reference letters or you may be interviewed for the homestudy :)


  1. ahhh tamara, your posts always just remind me of what a great person you are, and you adopting and raising a baby, you will be such an awsume mom, there are more and more young girls realizing they cant raise babys by themselves so i know you will get a baby soon..you both would make such great parents, i will pray for you both, that you get thru this and a baby coming to you soon..