The major happening of these last couple of weeks and probably the most sad news I have is that my friend Chani who had just found out she was pregnant at my last writing, has lost the baby. I can only imagine the profound sadness and disappointment she must be going through. Please keep her in your prayers as she faces another pregnancy loss.
As for me and how I'm doing...
You know that Cliff and I had discussed adopting a child. While that is not completely off the table, i am REALLY having a hard time abandoning my dream of conceiving and giving birth to my child. I know that adopting doesn't make me any less of a mother but my heart's desire is to birth my own child. Sometimes that seems like too much to ask for. As much as I am able to pursue fertility treatment options, that is what I'm planning on doing right now. Dr Su is willing to do 2 more IUI's so there's still a chance.
I had an ultrasound on Wednesday to see how that pesky cyst was doing and it had gone down to 1cm. Dr Su said that we would be able to begin Clomid again this cycle so tonight I take my 4th out of 5 doses of Clomid. He's increased it to 250mg. So far the side effects have been pretty minimal with the exception of the vision disturbances again. Waking up in the morning is just that much more fun when it seems like you're waking to a bazillion flashbulbs going off....oh, and the hot flashes *wipes forehead*
I had an acupuncture appointment on Friday and spent most of the appointment catching him up since I haven't seen him since August. I have another ultrasound scheduled on Tuesday (I'm surprised my ovaries don't glow in the dark by now with all the radiological exams I've had done). Then I have another acupuncture appointment on Wednesday. I'm SO very thankful that both Dr Su and Dr Woon are sensitive to the timing issues with this and are so flexible in getting me in for appointments. One less thing I need to worry and fret about.
I went to Barnes and Nobles today and bought every book they had on PCOS...both of them. I'm not really surprised about the lack of info out there. What's really frustrating is that everyone's answer to "curing" PCOS is weightloss. Then I read that the weightloss ratio is 3 to 1...being that, as hard as it is for the "average" person to lose 3 pounds? That's how hard it is for a "cyster" to lose one pound. SO frustrating but at the same time it makes me all the more proud of the weight I've lost and kept off...for the most part. I'm really struggling with my potato addiction. I LOVE potatoes! Any way, shape or form! LOVE 'em! aaaaannnd they're my arch nemesis having PCOS. If you could pray that potatoes would start to taste like something nasty, that could help me a bunch...
Oh and I did ask Dr Su about the ovarian drilling. He said that it's more for women who don't ovulate on meds. Because I have ovulated on the meds I don't meet the "criteria". I
I also have an appointment with an endocrinologist on Dec 1. Another frustrating aspect of PCOS is this- had I been diagnosed with cancer, the doctor would've laid out a plan for my treatment. "Alright, you'll need to see an oncologist, have chemo, maybe radiation and surgery" etc. But with PCOS, it was "Yup, you have PCOS. See you in two years for your next pap". Uuuuuhhh, thanks? No one ever said "maybe you should see an endocrinologist". So I have an appointment...in Seattle...yuk. Oh and remember when I talked about seeing the doctor who told me to take my fertility money, have gastric bypass and lose 100lbs, then come back to see him? Yeah I found out he's the PCOS guy at that clinic. I've struggled with do I go back to him? He IS an endocrinologist and he's the PCOS specialist. When I saw him the first time, I know I was super sensitive to what he said. He had said that I probably didn't need IVF. I just needed to ovulate. He wasn't saying he wouldn't help me have a baby. He just didn't think it was necessary for me to spend money on an expensive procedure that may not be needed. He IS more conveniently located than a doctor in Seattle who is only in the office on Thursdays and Fridays (my day off is Tuesday). So I'm hoping the endo doc in Seattle will refer me to this guy who's more local.
In closing, my reasons for doing this blog in addition to being my own shoulder to cry on and venting thru this outlet, is to educate people about PCOS. So I'm curious if anyone reads this blog and has questions about PCOS? Or if you have something about me personally and my struggles with PCOS and infertility that you would like to ask? For example, I know some have asked if we've considered a surrogate. The short answer is yes and I'm sure that will be a future blog topic. Anyhow, if there's anything you're curious about email your questions to email@example.com with BLOG in the subject line and I will answer them in future blogs. At this point, i am an open book! i really just want to make people more aware of this stupid disease.
Thanks again for taking the time to read.
More updates soon :)