Our Infertility Adoption Story- There's No Such Thing As An Unwanted Child or Pregnancy

Friday, April 27, 2012

NIAW Day 6: Infertility From His Perspective

Infertility Awareness week is coming to a close and Tamra wanted me to write about how I feel.  As all of you know Tamra has PCOS.  PCOS is a real difficult thing for a woman to go through and it is something I truly will not understand how it effects Tamra as a woman who desires to be a mother. It is tough for me to share my emotions in something that I feel is a condition that affects Tamra in a greater degree.  I feel as though my feelings shouldn't matter, that our focus should be on Tamra and helping her deal with and defeat this condition.
  Before I start I should introduce myself.  My name is Cliff and I am Tamra's husband. I have always imagined being a dad at some point. I think because I don't complain a lot or tell this to Tamra, that she forgets or doesn't know that I do desire to be a father.
  First of all, I am named after my dad and it is something we talked about, passing on the family name. Mom may have not liked it, but I do plan on passing on the name Cliff (Tamra doesn't care for it either). This is something I never shared with Tamra. I really did not want to add any extra pressure to her. She is already going through so much.
 Nothing I have been through compares to what she has been through. I've seen her poked and prodded and put on medicine that made her an emotional nightmare. I tried not to get aggravated with her. I would like to tell you I was the best husband ever and kept my cool, but that would be a lie. This roller coaster of emotions has made our marriage really trying at times. All I can say is when she hurts I hurt and I get mad! I get mad because there is nothing I can do to help her. After all a man is suppose to fix things, not stand by and let them run their course. Just hope I can be the supportive husband she needs.
  As far as my emotions: I tend not to be too emotional. It's not that I don't have emotions. It's just I don't show my emotions (most men are probably the same way). My lack of showing emotions leads to Tamra thinking I don't care, which makes things difficult. I just hope Tamra knows that I do hurt when she hurts.  I am sad when she is sad. I do care! I hope Tamra realizes that.
  Maybe one day we can have children. I am hopeful. I do feel the Lord will bless us with a family. Will that be kids of our own or will we adopt?  I don't know what the Lord has planned for us. All I know is that all things are possible for God.
  I am proud of Tamra! She is working on losing weight which could help us conceive.  She does this blog to release frustration and share her emotions, but not just that.  She shares what she learns about PCOS with others to help them. Come to find out there are a lot of women that suffer with this. I am proud to know some of you and I do wish the best for all of you!

I want to end with this. Tamra I love you more and more every day. I always will love you and I am glad you are my wife.  You are my best friend. Thank you for letting me write in your blog.

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