Longest......Week......Everrrrrrr!

Ugh!  This waiting is KILLING me!!  Why can't we be like some alien creature that knows the instant they've conceived?!? (I admit it, we've been watching a lot of Star Trek lately)  I had my second HCG injection and the 2nd of 3 visits to the acupuncturist on Friday.  I'll have another acupuncture appointment on Wednesday.  I know my mom must giggle to read about me going to an acupuncturist.  You see, I used to be the kid that screamed bloody murder getting shots or blood draws at the doctor.  I remember one time it took my mom and about 5 other people to do a finger stick blood draw on me.  Now I willingly (somewhat) go to get poked?!  Comical...
One of my fears is not only that I wont be pregnant but that I will end up having a period from hell like I did in March.  It was the first time combining acupuncture with Clomid and I apparently had "hyperstimulation of the ovaries".  It was baaaad...I was like 3 points away from needing a transfusion, couldn't drive for 2 days and took about 4 for me to finally get some color back in my cheeks.  "Dear God, I'd really like to NOT go thru that again...Please"
Some people may read my blog and question why I put so much personal information out there... "Oh my gosh, she said ovaries and period...*gasp* shock/horror!!  The reason I am specific about what's going on is because even though most of the time I feel like I'm the only one going thru this...I KNOW I'm not alone.  There ARE other ladies out there dealing with PCOS and infertility.  I do this not only as an outlet for me but I do it for them as well.
I've met someone online who had her IUI 2 days after I did.  I can't tell you what a relief it's been to not go thru this alone.  (If you could also keep her in your prayers that would be awesome) We've been doing the same exact things this week. We've both been checking websites that give you a "your pregnancy Day by day" chart.  We've both been shopping for maternity clothes but don't dare to buy anything.  I know that if this IUI worked my due date would be April 14th which is my WaBFF's and my SIL's birthday.  I know that all of this will only add to my disappointment if the IUI wasn't successful. I want to remain positive.  I say that I'm not getting my hopes up but obviously that's a big fat frikkin lie.  I want this to be the time that it FINALLY works!!  I want to be able to surprise my family with the news we've all waited SO long for.  I've been thinking about cute little ways to make the big announcement.  I have a couple of ideas and can't wait for the day when I can put the plans into action!
I am only 7 days post IUI...feels like it's been an eternity.  I have about one week before I would start a period if I'm not pregnant.  If that doesn't happen then I will begin testing to see if the HCG levels rise or fall.  So the only thing that makes this past week not seem so bad is knowing that next week will be even LONGER!!!   Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!  Most times I am a very patient person...this is one area of my life where patience is definitely not my strong suit.  Please continue to pray for me. 
Pray:

• that this week goes by quickly
• that I will be patient
• that I will be strong enough to handle if the IUI was unsuccessful

thank you!

So The Wait Begins...

Alrighty...if we're friends on FB chances are you already know some of this but this is a more detailed account of yesterday's events. << That is your fair warning :)
So remember my last blog where I said I didn't feel like I was ovulating and all that?  Well I still don't feel like I am going to/did ovulate.  I do however feel like my insides are swollen up to about 10 times their normal size.  I was/am SUPER uncomfortable.  Sitting, standing, going from a sitting to standing position, bending over, standing straight...it's all uncomfortable.  To get a feel for how it feels you could take a couple of softballs, put them in your pants pocket and try to do the previously mentioned movements...yeah that's what it feels like.  Anyhow, I'm hoping that the feeling that everything is swollen is a good sign that things are doing what they're supposed to do.

 So we got up Sunday morning, I showered and made sure to shave my legs before our "romantic" rendezvous ;)  We went to the GYFT Clinic in Tacoma for the sperm wash.  After verifying Cliff's ID and us forking out $162 (actually she charged us $762 the first time "Oops, I've never done THAT before"...riiiiiight) Cliff did what he needed to do and we were left with instructions to come back at 11:30 to pick up the little guys. We went to breakfast at Shari's Restaurant and tried to kill some time.  Of course, we had to crack jokes about the forms that he'd had to complete.  We got back to the GYFT Clinic a little early and had to wait.  I was pretty nervous because the one thing that hadn't yet been checked this time around was the sperm count.  Last time was 10 years ago and Cliff's had some major illnesses since then.  We finally got the little guys back and the numbers were great (sigh of relief).  The lab tech handed me the tube and told me to put it between my breasts inside my bra to keep them body temperature.  In my mind I was driving like Ace Ventura "GOT A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!!!" but I'm sure I was driving very responsibly ;)  We went to Group Health and paged Dr Su to meet us.  He called me back from Group Health!  He was already there waiting for us. The procedure this time was MUCH more uncomfortable than the first two had been.  EVERYTHING he did hurt more. It didn't take very long at all for the procedure to be finished.  Dr Su instructed me to wait 30 minutes then I could leave.  As he and the nurse exited, she says "Good luck!  I've never been in the room when someone else was conceiving.  That was a first for me"  I had to laugh because all I could think was "Yeah, me too!"  Cliff was our timekeeper and had me lay there for 31 minutes because he thought we needed "an extra minute for good measure". So I laid there for 31 minutes, tweeting, facebooking, texting etc and Cliff played Solitaire and gave me the countdown. RO-MAN-TIC!
We came home after our 31 minutes and I really did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.  Laid down on the bed for a bit, then sat in the recliner, then slept in the recliner...good times.
I did some relaxation breathing and some visualization, couldn't hurt right?  "See the egg...see the sperm swimming to the egg..." It was hard not to sing "just keep swimming...just keep swimming (a la Dori in Finding Nemo)" and visualizing the opening credits from "Look Who's Talking".
Really you HAVE to have a sense of humor when doing something like this other wise you'd cry.  This is NOT what I had planned for my life but this is the path we're on right now. So now we wait.  I had an acupuncture appointment with Dr Woon today, another is scheduled for Friday.  I have another HCG injection on Friday so I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to know if I'm pregnant (unless I start a period).  The HCG stays in your system for about 2 weeks so a urine test will show positive regardless.

So there you have it...a lot of rambling and probably A LOT more info than you wanted but whatever...you didn't have to read it all ;)
 My back is killing me, my "tummy" hurts and I now have to worry about the "Don't take this if you're pregnant" warnings because ya never know!  Small complaints but that's all I got right now.  Can't complain about much else.  We've been blessed to have friends and family that were willing to set alarms, receive text messages and such to remember to pray for us during the procedure.  It's nice to know our child already has people praying for him/her before even being conceived!  Please continue praying for us.  We'll need it regardless of what the next couple of weeks holds in store for us!

Game Plan

Okie doke...So I finally "got to" get scanned again yesterday.  It was more uncomfortable than it has been in the past.  I'm assuming that's because there's more hormonal activity going on than I'm used to.  The follicle had grown to be about 1.82cm.  Dr Su feels that we can still do intrauterine insemination (IUI) during this cycle even tho the follicle is slow growing.  So the game plan is for me to go into Urgent Care at 8pm tonight to receive an injection of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) . It is used to simulate the LH surge that "normal" women get when they are ovulating.  It will be two shots, one in each hip.  I should ovulate about 36 hours later (approximately 8am on Sunday Morning...I counted).  We have an appointment on Sunday morning to go to the lab for a "sperm wash".  Then once we have the little guys back we'll page the doctor to meet us at Urgent Care for the IUI procedure.  This should be taking place around 11am or noon-ish if you want to say a quick prayer for me at that time.  (if you want I could send a text message to remind you :) just let me know. email your number to me at lilpoobear76@gmail.com)
I'm experiencing extremely mixed emotions...I want to be positive and say "this WILL work this time!" but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up.  I'd rather go in expecting it NOT to work and then being pleasantly surprised if it does.  The thing is, it will be about 2 weeks longer than "normal" for me to find out if I'm pregnant (if I don't start a period) because the HCG is the same hormone that a pregnancy test looks for.  So if I do a pregnancy test before the injection wears off it will show that I'm pregnant whether I am or not. Talk about screwing with a gal's emotions!
After the IUI on Sunday I need to see my acupuncturist Dr Woon a couple of times a week for the next two weeks.  These acupuncture treatments will hopefully stimulate my uterus to produce the blood supply that the possible growing embryo will need...to sort of help me hold on to it.
I'm also planning on seeing a Chiropractor soon.  A couple of years ago I tweeked my back getting clothes out of the dryer and  I've had sciatic problems since then.  Well I've read that lower back problems can contribute to infertility as well, since the required nerves or blood vessels could be compromised by a misalignment.  Kinda of nervous about that too since I've never had anyone crack my back!

And even tho I'm not happy about some of the changes at work I have to praise the Lord for my job and the health benefits I get as a result.  The first time we tried IUI NOTHING was covered. Now I get partial coverage.  Medications that cost me between $80 and $120 a pop last time? Now cost just my $15 copay! I could've cried the first time I went to fill the prescription! Thank you God!  Maybe this is Your way of saying that NOW is finally the time.  Help me to remember that Your timing is perfect. (Oh and it's ok that I'm missing church this one time to try to get pregnant, right?)

More later...

"Watched Pot" Part 3 ('scuse the rambling)

I've said it before and I'll say it again...NOTHING about this process is easy or convenient. 
My mother in law had an appointment this morning.  I had hoped to get in with Dr Su during the same time frame so I wouldn't have to make another trip in.  No dice...he was in surgery until 3:30pm.  I was on his schedule at 3:45pm, checked in about 3:15pm and was in a room by 3:30pm.  Then I proceeded to sit there and wait...and wait...  They really ought to make the walls thicker because I "got to" sit and listen to the gal in the next room talk about "we found out it is twins!...what will I do with two babies?  Is there anything special I should do with twins? (um...buy extra diapers??) etc"  It took everything in me to not run in there and punch her in the face.  Ugh SOMEBODY shoot me now!!  Aaaaaanyhoooo...I knew that Dr Su was in surgery and I knew I more than likely would not be seen until at least 4pm.  By 4pm the nurse came back and said that Dr Su was still in surgery and she was told it would probably be after 5:00pm before he would be finished.  He was too busy to talk to the nurse at the time so she had no direction for me.  Do I wait around til after 5pm?  Do I hang out in the area and await his call to see if I should come back?  Do I just check in with him tomorrow?  We didn't know.  I have to appreciate that he was too busy at the time to offer any direction.  If I was the patient on the table I would want his undivided attention too. So I decided to go do some shopping and wait for his call.  Gotta be honest, I don't "feel" like I'm ovulating so I don't think I'm missing out on anything.  Usually, on Clomid I can tell when I'm ovulating but not getting that same feeling this time.  I've just been super uncomfortable for about 5 days, getting frequent sharp pains but just feeling the usual "cystic" activity. So I left the office and headed to Babies r Us.  Why? cuz I'm a glutton for punishment? No, because my way of coping is to spoil the babies that I DO have in my life...right now that is my niece Quinn.  She's not even been born yet but this Auntie is spoiling the crap out of her! So I bought some things for her room and got a little sample bottle of Baby Magic Lotion.  I LOVE the smell of that lotion...I seriously get a buzz off of the smell.  My kid will be slathered in that stuff!
I was just killing time waiting for the doc to call back.  Short story long, he finally called back and said for me to just come in tomorrow for the ultrasound.  So I've got to make contact tomorrow on my break.  Good thing I work there I guess.  The waiting continues...

Gotta go...my buzz is wearing off...time for another hit of lotion...

Top 5 PCOS Myths

1) Women with PCOS can not get pregnant. 

2) Birth Control Pills are the primary treatment for PCOS. 

3) A hysterectomy cures PCOS. 

4) If you have had children, you can't have PCOS. 

5) Women with PCOS are all overweight. 

NONE of the above statements are true.

"Watched Pot" Part 2

Had follow up appointment with Dr Su today.  Got scanned again and still not ready.  Follicle only grew about .2cm since Friday.  I guess I gotta get up to 2cm for it to be viable.  Recheck again on Wednesday.

"A Watched Pot Never Boils"

Had my appointment today with Dr Su.  He's so awesome!  I've heard that most of his patients are fertility patients so I gather this is a science that he pretty much has nailed down to the best of his capability.  He's great about getting you in for all the scans and checks that need to be done to see if ovulation is occuring.  I'm so appreciative that I don't have to hear "Sorry, there's no appointments available".  I know he comes in on weekends and such if that happens to be "the time" for his patients.  He's a great doctor and I'm so fortunate to be one of his patients.  Anyhow, enough about him...let's talk about me ;)
My appointment was a work-in appointment and I was just supposed to check in when I got off work at 3pm.  I was in a room by 3:30!  The nurse was SUPER nice and paid attention to a LOT of details (like my latex allergy, which comes into play during the ultrasound).  Anyhow so I'm on the table for the ultrasound, which is a trans-vaginal ultrasound.  Now "trans-vaginal" must translate to "near the throat" because I swear that's how far up the doc was scanning. Kidding!  Don't want to scare any of my friends who may end up having the same processes to follow.  Really it's not as uncomfortable as you might imagine...not something I want to go thru every day but it's no HSG (see previous blog). So Dr Su scans and wands my ovaries, measures the follicles and all that.  Turns out I have a follicle in play but it's only 1cm.  Not sure how big it NEEDS to be but evidently 1cm isn't it.  I have to go back on Monday for another ultrasound and if it's the right size then insemination will be Wednesday.
I REALLY wish I could be like most people and just get pregnant the good old fashioned way.  I HATE that it's so clinical and planned.  I want our baby to be conceived in a night of passion not a clinical setting.  Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of "want".  NOTHING about this is convenient.  I have Wednesday off.  Cliff however, does not, but on Wednesday it IS kind of required for him to be there.  I only have three shots at this...kind of nervous with all the "what-ifs"... 
Alright, so....more to come on Monday.  Will keep you posted...Get it? Blog? Post?  I crack myself up!

Laters ;)

Hot Flashes...Blurred Vision...and Tears! Oh My!!

Ok, so as with any medication there are side effects to the Clomid that I'm taking.  I am on the maximum "recommended" dosage which is 200mg.
The side effects are:

• multiples pregnancy (twins, triplets)<- this one is my favorite and the side effect I hope for :)
• Hot Flashes
• Bloating, Abdominal Discomfort
• Weight Gain
• Mood Swings
• Nausea, Dizziness
• Headaches
• Abnormal Menstrual Bleeding
• Breast Tenderness
• Vaginal Dryness or Thickened Cervical Fluid
• Blurred Vision 
• Ovarian Cysts (how's THAT for irony)
• Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)

Yesterday I was peeling potatoes for dinner and all of a sudden I turned bright red and started sweating...What the HECK!?!? Oh yeahhhhh...hot flash!  I had forgotten what those were like.  It HAS been 10 years or so.  oh well...

Then there's the blurred vision...the best way I can described it is like when we were kids and would blindfold each other for a game, you remove the blindfold and it takes a minute for your eyes to focus...PLUS when you have pictures done at a family function and it's like you're related to the paparazzi.  The flashbulbs stop but the flashes don't *-* Yeah...It's like that EVERY time I blink.

And the last side effect I'll mention for today is the mood swings.  I'm coming off of an AMAZING NKOTB experience (highest of highs for me!) and my brother's dog is missing and has been for a week now (lowest of lows).  I feel like I'm frikkin bi-polar or something!  It's been so hard with my brother's dog missing. My sister in law is 8+ months pregnant. I know she's not sleeping well (I wouldn't be!), not eating well, and she's profoundly sad.  I'm SO sad for them.  I've been trying to help but we're at a point where there really doesn't seem to be much we can do anymore.  We've done the posters, the calls and visits to shelters and vet offices, canvasing the neighborhood. We've had leads, sightings, prank calls, and just plain jerks and even worse, NO calls :( ...more highs and lows.  I stopped at the pound again today, praying that Shia's in there and I can just walk out with her.  I walk in and check the book of  animals..."tan and white Chihuahua" (HIGH!!) "male" (low).  Then I walk thru the kennels that hold the strays that have been brought in.  I ease up on each kennel hoping that I'll see her little nose popping thru the gate.  I walked out disappointed and so very sad...heartbroken.  I drove around their neighborhood again hoping for a sighting...anything. Again came up empty-handed.  I'm sure that the medications only compound the sadness and disappointment.  I cried the whole way home :'(  I want so badly to have Shia back at home where she belongs so my brother and his wife can be happy and joyful with their daughter's impending arrival. This should be the greatest month of their lives and they are not able to enjoy it :/

Sorry, got a little off track there.  It's just THAT's the foremost thought in our minds lately. 

So here I sit sweating, blind, on an emotional roller-coaster...with two more doses of Clomid to take.

Dr's Appointment tomorrow afternoon to see if the Clomid is working to induce ovulation. *fingers crossed

And So It Begins...

I had said I was taking a break from all the fertility stuff and would try again after my birthday.  Well my birthday is August 10.  The earliest I could get an appointment with the Group Health "specialist" was August 26th.  (He's just a regular Ob/Gyn but he will do the "basic" infertility stuff like intra-uterine inseminations "IUI")  Since my appointment was so far away and it's been nearly 10 years since we went this route, I called to see if there were any tests that I could do beforehand.  Our first go-round I had to do ultrasounds and a lovely little procedure call a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). An HSG is where they jack you open like the Grand Canyon and shoot dye into your fallopian tubes under a fluoroscope to see if there are any blockages in the tubes.  Anyhow, I was hoping that if these tests needed to be repeated due to the length of time in between, that I could get them out of the way while waiting for my appointment.  The doctor called me Sunday night to answer my question.  Thankfully the answer was "NO" I did not need to repeat that particular test.  He agreed with my plan of trying IUI's for up to three more tries.  He also said "I was supposed to be off this week but I'm actually back in clinic tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I have an opening.  Could you come in at 10:30?"  You mean, can I run downstairs on my lunch break to get the ball rolling??  Um HECK YEAH!
Now the first time we did fertility stuff it took months to titrate up to a dose of Clomid that actually made me ovulate, which ended up being the maximum dose.  This time Dr Su did an ultrasound to check my ovaries, ordered a blood pregnancy test to insure that I'm not pregnant before starting the meds and ordered the maximum dose of the meds for me without making me wait the titration period.
Soooo, at this moment I'm not sure what to do!  I still haven't gotten the results of the pregnancy test and he wanted me to start the meds tonight.  I'm 99.9999999999999999% sure I'm not pregnant but what if? Guess I'll call first thing in the morning to see if I should go ahead and start.  I HATE not starting the meds tonight.  I'm ready to get this process in motion!!!  I have a follow up ultrasound on Friday to see if the meds worked then we go from there.  *Fingers crossed :)